I used to believe in surrender.
After coming out of psychosis, I realized I was not able to do it by myself. Being an Enneagram 8, I was used to pushing through. Bulldozing. Steamrolling. Coming out from a small town and making it into the capital was already a big thing for me. Ten years after that, I realized I had always been standing in my own way.
Life always had more wonderful things in store — and I would be stuck, because I had a perfect vision of what my life should look like.
Then I became psychotic for three months.
After coming back, I went on my knees and asked for a second chance to make it right. My wish was granted. I have encountered more success than I ever imagined was possible. I was finding the right teachers — or were they finding me? The student was ready, and so the teachers appeared.
Now I’ve realized something.
I never really surrendered.
Surrender is impossible. You don’t wake up every day and surrender to gravity. The Divine is running this whether we want it or not. Always has been. Always will be. Why? I don’t know.
What I know is this: I’m always willing to let go of my old life. I stopped treating things that don’t work out as things that should have. I stopped trying to force. I trust in the Divine.
Where does it lead me? I have no idea.
But I trust.
Life Loves Me 